Love is Watching Someone Die.

Sorry for the lack of updating. I know recently, it's not like me. My life has been spinning out of control these days, so I can't help it. I'm doing only the best I can.
If you realized, I deleted some of my old posts. This is because I felt they had no purpose. Boring, telling of my boring summer days. I figured no one really wanted to hear it. So, the more exciting, detailed ones are up & staying that way.
Anyways. This week wasn't such a bad one...well the beginning wasn't too bad at all. I visited my sister along with my nieces & nephew. It was so good to see them & be with them for once. They're getting so much older, I can't believe it. Getting more mature & I know from here we'll continue to have a great relationship. So, while I was there I realized of my true family; the one that'll be there no matter what happens. I decided to give back what I lost. It's complicated to fully know that means, but to me, it's important & means so much.
I went swimming for the first time this summer & it was fun. I was able to have a deep, but soothing conversation with just my sister, mom, & at times my nieces. We went to a nice buffet for dinner one night, which was really fun to do as well. I grew a real strong attachment to that side of the family & I truly miss them right now. I love them so much.
Then, the rest of this week as many of you know or may not know, hasn't been so pleasant. I'd rather not go into great detail. If you know, you know. If you don't, find out some other way. I really don't want to talk about it. But, because of some events that recently have happened I've grown into a walking depression ball. It's not fun. I've never been like this before. Nothing I want to do is worth the while. I want to sleep, relax, & not talk to many people. Yesterday I went to the mall to cleanse myself of everything. It helped, but only for a while. Once home I was back to my sleeping, tired, boring self. Today has been the same. I'm carrying a heavy heart & a clouded up mind. I'm feeling under the weather & spend my days in my pajamas or comfortable clothing. I'm not listening to real hard-rock music as normal, but more acoustic, quiet music. I need cheering up if that's possible.
I have to say though, that the immense help & support of my friends has truly been amazing. I've never felt to loved & protected. You are all what keeps my own heart beating when it feels it wants to stop such a movement. Your kind words I take to the heart & your prayers/thoughts are really soothing to my mind. Thank you is not enough <3
I'm heading to Cape Cod for a brief, but fun involved trip this weekend. To go to the beach, meet friends, see my grandmother & uncle again, & relax. Hopefully, it will relieve me for the time being. My spirits will be lifted a little more. The AFI music will be playing as I go back into the memories. I'm really looking forward to this trip more than anything.
Other than that, my mom's big surgery is Wednesday. In super preparation for that these days. I can't believe it's so close after all this waiting....
So, I apologize if I sound more sad than normal. A lot has been on my plate. I'm just praying & hoping for miracle. Shaking this feeling is what I need. I'm sure I'll blog later. Love you all. You know who you are.

P.S. - I was in nowhere ready to dig out a photography photo. Maybe in the next post or something...