Summer Sudder.

Wow. It has not been about 2 weeks since my last post, has it? I guess so. Time sure flies, though. Not even when you're having fun. But, that's life & not everything is always exciting.
So, I am basically writing this blog out of sadness right now. Today was my last full day of summer & tomorrow I start back-up at FHS as a Sophomore. And I have mixed feelings about everything. At one point, I'm sad to see summer leave because I know it's going to be a while until we see it again. The freedom was nice while it lasted along with the warm weather. But, then again, the summer has been the most un-fun one I've had yet. Sure, Cape Cod was fun along with my sister's cookout and even going to my other sister's house for a few days. But, the knee surgery with my mom has limited me from doing a lot of normal summer things. I've already ranted about this, so I won't use anymore detail on the subject. But, seasons come & go; that's life. You just have to learn to live it & deal with it.
Mixed emotions about school also are approaching me right now. The idea that my classes this year shouldn't be so bad; English, US history, Geometry, Astronomy/Oceanography, Orchestra, & more. Those seem to grab my attention more than last year's classes, so I pray to god this won't be a horrible graded year. But, friends that weren't in my classes last year whom I hoped would be this year, aren't. Along with close friends who were in classes last year & this year aren't even close to me. Freshman coming in & realizing what it's like to not be the 'little kids' of the school anymore. Being a sophomore this year I can tell that not every class is in one wing, but far more spread out. Should be fun carrying loads of books everywhere. Oh! The stressors of school, welcome back...
But, this morning has been an interesting one. Before school starts back up or something of importance is about to happen, no matter how tired I am, sleep never occurs. I lie awake thinking until I finally fall asleep, only to wake up soon enough. So, I wanted to try an all-nighter. Boy, did I get one. Spent my time online fixing things, to watching 'Phantom of the Opera'. I watched the sunrise & even made coffee, pen & paper in hand, as I sat down outside in the cold air to write some of the best lyrics I've written in a while. I am proud of them, although I'll never share them with anyone, hahaha. I seemed all energized & eager to get ahead with different things, but the fatigueness hit like a sack of bricks. I slept off & on a total of 3 hours with my mom's physical therapist & visiting nurse checking her out in total now. We're fully free from the VA! And no, that does not mean Virginians...
Thankfully, they're gone. I hated them a lot. Except, Nancy, hahaha.
But, what I realized about the days in general is that time flies quickly throughout the night. Literally, it felt like I had just watched 'Phantom of the Opera' ( at 4 AM) when I was sitting out on the deck watching the sun slowly rising (at 7 PM). Days pass quickly & nights go even faster. I feel like that's what I learned most this summer. Time really does go by in a flash & all your actions you can't take back no matter how much you may or may not want to.
Now, if only this school year could fly...Hahaha.

When I Go Out I Want to Go Out On a Chariot of Fire.

This past week has been by far a great one. If only every week could be like this... But, I know it can't always be the like that. In this past week I have hung out with my sister, gotten a break from reality several times, been face to face with a bad habit of mine, taken steps to getting help, felt loved like any other time in my life, went to a carnival a few times for the first time in a year or so, became fond of a certain band, seen friends I miss terribly, met new friends, & so much more.
But, today & Thursday were great. Carnivals are a mixture of fun & agony. When you find that one ride that soothes you, makes you feel good, & a ride you promise you'll continue going on while you're at the carnival; it's fun. Agony in a sense that your friends beg you to try one ride they like which happens to be one you've promised yourself you'll never go on. Yet, it's fun too. But, what I never got to see in such a long time is the true beauty that a carnival is all lit up at night or when the sun begins to set. Even if it's in your own town, there's nothing more gorgeous than that. What's eerier is seeing a whole carnival shut down. Lights after lights closing, rides stopping, people leaving. & forgive me if it sounds weird, but I've never experienced that. It's something nice if you're not a big carnival-go-er like me.
This week sure has had it's boring & complete tough moments, but maybe next week will be like that too. You never know... I can't foresee what I'll be like weeks from now. I want to, but I can't.
You take things day by day. Step by step. I'm realizing that & a certain someone is teaching it to me. I thank god for him or my life wouldn't be what it's beginning to form into. He's given me the strength to get better. Friends like that you don't get often & when you do, you don't want to let them go. I feel loved currently. (;

...To Be Loved.

Today, I'm not complaining at all! I won't lie, I've had one of the best days in a long time. Except for a few factors, it's been very enjoyable.
I woke up at 9:00 AM, since my dad is off at work for the first time since my mom's operation. Although, I wasn't a fan of getting up that soon, when I got the coffee going I was more awake & energized for the day. I had to laugh though, because the second I walked down the stairs, still half-asleep, my mom began to order me around to do different things. But, I didn't mind so much.
I got ready & before I knew it my sister came through the door. My mom told me a few days ago that not my oldest sister, but my older sister (if that makes sense) was coming to stop by after one of her appointments out here since she lives an hour away. This sister lived with me & recently moved out almost a year ago. (I got her room & re-did it. I love my room.) So, as we grew up, since she was 13 years older than me, we never connected. We barely hung out, argued, & more. So, ever since she's moved out, we've gotten closer & can actually talk now. Which to me, is the best feeling in the world.
Once my sister came in, her & my mom chatted up a lot. The decision was to go to Panera Bread & grab lunch was created. My sister invited me along as my mom sat in the house to wait for us. We all had some sort of soup & half a sandwich. It was really good & the chance for me to get out of the house was the perfect solution.
Next, my mom's more meaner physical therapist; Jackie, called to say that she wasn't arriving at 2 PM, but 10 minutes from then. But, to understand, this was like 12:00 in the morning still. The idea of Jackie coming that soon, wasn't making for anyone to be happy about it, but what can you do? But, when Jackie arrived she seemed nicer than normal. Hmmmm, I still wonder what the catch was to that.
As Jackie & mom prepared for exercises upstairs, my sister invited me yet again to head to take a trip with her to the Wrentham Outlet Mall nearby my house. We walked in the blazing sun for hours heading into store after store which I liked. I randomly noticed I had a 2o dollar bill with me. So, m sister offered I head into none-other-than a Hot Topic, my favorite store. I had to choose between a CD or Avenged Sevenfold shirt. In the end, as always, I chose the shirt, hahaha.
My sister treated me to ice cream & we walked into stores I liked, hated, & found I didn't mind being in at all. I didn't want to leave when it was time to go home, but in the humidity home was the best place to be. This long trip lasted from 12:30-ish until we arrived home at 4:oo pm. My sister makes fun of my music choices on occasion, but she's no better than me. Our tastes are pretty similar. Some of her favorites include Papa Roach, Lacuna Coil, Buckcherry, Motley Crue, Nickelback, ACDC, & more. Although, I'm just a Roach & Coil fan, she didn't mind. It was nice of her to let me borrow the Papa Roach CD, 'The Paramour Sessions' to put on my iPod. She stayed & began to get into the movie, 'What Happens in Vegas' with me & my mom. But, soon she left, & I was back to reality. Break-over. I enjoyed the break. though. My mom even thought I deserved it after all the work I've done around here & there.
The rest of the night was more....difficult. I had to deal with the usual, which isn't always good. I'm not going into detail, but I will say the bad went right away when someone near & dear to my heart stepped in to make me feel better. He kicked some sense into me & for that I am forever grateful & in love with him. (:
Hhhhhm. What else exciting? Nothing much. That was pretty much it. I guess, I felt the need to blog this day because it was different & nice for a change. Too bad everyday can't be like this...
Oooooh well. Be thankful what you have, right? & right now I've realized I have a lot of people I love nearby me in my life that I can count on. What can be better?

These Are the Fast Times.

Nothing extremely new has happened within these few days. I don't expect anything exciting to happen either. I'm tremendously boring & negative at times from which I apologize. Many stressors are on me these days, but I'll complain of them later.
Right now, I'll talk about something interesting that did sort of happen today. Not really interesting more...sad.
My dad decided to let me out of the house & run some errands with him later tonight. First, we grabbed some medicine for my mom & then later on when it was dark, we grabbed dinner & an assortment of different nick-knacks.
As we drove, I got this feeling. Last summer feeling. I didn't realize how magical my Freshman year was & how truly the days leading up to it were important in my life memory-wise.
I remember last summer I begged my parents to buy me the new Academy Is... CD, 'Fast Times At Barrington High'. I was addicted to it. Listening to it at a constant. Even the night before my first day of school began, I listened to it coming home from my sister's house BBQ. Up until even way after school started I still listened to this CD constantly. I used to joke that it was my "school CD". So, when we drove all the memories came back. The summer; The fun. I listened to the songs & fell in love all over again.
So, I realized that my Freshman year in High School so far was the most amazing year of my life. Honestly it was. A new life, new friends, new teachers, new privileges, new faces, old faces. Everything different in the best way. Of course, if you asked me this a few months before we let out for the summer I would've been like, "Are you kidding me?! I hated this year!" But, I really didn't. I met new friends who I can laugh with, I learned my way around a place I thought was impossible to understand, I met people I was acquainted with in kindergarten. Most of all, I learned & saw a place where I knew the significant time in my life would take place. Someone copy, paste, & save these words I'm about to type for the record, but I think I'm actually excited for school this year. I miss everyone & the classes I'm taking this year are ones that I will enjoy learning about. I want to see what this year will bring & what will happen in my on-going memories here. & what would a year without drama bring? Can only expect tons of that, I suppose...
But, this year I want to fall in love. None of this, "Oh, I like you...blahblahblah." No lies, no cheating, no two-second romances. Something I'm happy in, something that makes a difference in my life. Something I can experience & say I've done. Long-lasting for sure.
I don't really know what my Sophomore year can bring. I know, this is something I should be writing a week or day before school starts back up again, but right now I feel inspired & moved.
& since right now nothing in my life is exciting or interesting enough to think about, falling back on memories is never a bad thing, I guess. It replaces the thoughts on what I'm doing in my life right now. It over-shadows the unhappiness I'm feeling right now.
& suddenly, I'm 14 years old again, frantic about my first year in high school, afraid I'll get lost, nervous what a year in a new school will bring, about how I would react to the "big times", & yet just enjoying the summer days where I can go & do whatever I please...

Today's Lesson.

Well, here I am. Back again after not blogging in god-knows how many days. Weeks.
But, if you saw my life now, you'd understand why.
I'm happy to say that last Wednesday-a week ago- my Mom got her much needed knee replacement surgery & all went well. That day was BRUTAL, though. The night before I only slept about a total of 3 hours. The tension of what was to come was upon me & I couldn't bring myself to sleep. So, you can imagine how hard the next day was. We got up at 6 AM & brought my mom to Newton Wellsley Hospital. She got dressed & ready for surgery. We met doctors & gave her a big kiss goodbye. It was tough though because I thought I knew what was ahead of me, but it was hard to see someone you love go in for something that major. We waited constantly throughout the day. I had a huge migraine from the tension & lack of sleep. But, when we did see my Mom she was tired & out of it. Lots of pain was with her too. I felt bad.
The whole few weeks my mom planned to have this surgery, I'll admit, I was angry. I didn't want to help her because I was angry that my freedom would be at a loss. She always said, "You'll help me, right?" Of course I agreed, not knowing what I was getting myself into. But, it's instinct when you're faced with helping. You don't even think, "Oh, I have to help her, ugh." You just know that you have to help. You do anything to see her out of the pain. So, being gentle & helping is a given.
My dad & I spent a total of 4 nights at the house together, dealing with one another alone. It was weird because normally my Mom is always there no matter what. Even when we had to say goodnights, it was weird her not being there. But, this past Sunday she came home after being there for a while. It was planned she'd come home Saturday, but she needed more physical therapy time.
Sunday was a day of figuring out what worked & didn't. How she could sleep, how she could eat without nausea, how she could relax, when she could take her medicine, & everything in between. The night wasn't so bad. But, now that it's Wednesday I think we are figuring out some sort of routine. These past few days therapist after therapist are coming here & taking care of her. Nurse after nurse. I find ways to stay in my room so I don't have to meet many faces. I like to think of it as my 'time-off'.
But, really, the reason I wrote this blog was not to entertain myself or to tell you how everything is. Partially it is that, but mostly it's to teach you something. I know schools out, but believe me, you'll need to hear this lesson:
I don't think people realize how hard it is taking care of someone else. It's a full-time job. Of course my dad helps, but there's only so much he can do...
When you're faced with someone you love, it's normal and instinctual to want to go in & help with all you've got. I don't mind helping my Mom. Granted, there have been recent moments when I think, "Oh, c'mon! Leave me alone!" But, it's normal. I know she's in pain & wants to get better. She's always helped me when I'm not at my best. It's me re-paying for it all. Not to mention the constant load of chores I'm doing. If I thought I had it rough before, I must be a slave now. I'm doign everything, but luckily, getting paid for it daily.
But, the one thing I really am sure people don't get is the freedom. Sure, I didn't get it at first either. I knew, "Oh, yeah. I won't have much freedom. Boo-hoo, it's gonna stink."
I did lose my freedom, indefinitely. Not only did I lose that, but I lost what my life's meaning is. I wake-up early every morning, thinking, "Today is another busy day, but boring all at once. I'll have to help, but also spend time in my room doing nothing."
I look to hope that maybe next week will be exciting, but where can I go? My dad's back at work, the brunt of the helping is on me allllll day. The week after that, same. After that? Same, same.
& before you know it, I'll be back in school, dreading every second of my life.
The need & constant want to be out of the house is stronger than any of those days in the beginning of summer when it was rainy & I was bored. Those days can't compare to what I'm going through now. If I don't leave my house soon, I'll sink into a deep depression. Yeah. Sure. You think I'm being over dramatic? Ha. I wish. Just wait until you get here...you'll see what it's like & what you're constantly worried about.
This is summer. I want to explore everything. I'm getting older. I want to discover a world outside of here. But, that's not happening at the moment. I wish I drove. I could take breaks here & there.
Today, I was cleaning the guestroom when I heard music loudly playing outside. My neighbor was lounging in her pool & later on catching some sun in the grass. Not a care in the world. She can drive. She is a year older than me. Oh, if life could always be that way! I wish...
I'm sure she hasn't worked a day in her life. She hasn't experienced true pain. She hasn't seen the horror in this world. She doesn't know the pain I'm having inside these walls. & while I was angry at her, I was finding myself jealous. I'd love to trade places. To just sit all day & just enjoy what summer is bringing. To drive on vacation somewhere & just relax out side of all this.
But, it's not happening here.
I know this might sound weird & rude of my complaining of my poor Mom who is striving to get better. It's not her fault. I'd never blame her. I don't mind helping, it's just everything I'm giving up is harder than anything I've ever done. I'll always help my mom. I'll never yell at her or complain to her. Because I know it's 10 times worse on her than me.
I say this because I feel like if ANYONE reads my blog, then they can get what's going on in my life. My struggle. If you're enjoying your summer, do it. Enjoy every second of it & don't waste a minute of all the wonders you'll see.
For me, this won't last forever. I did have some nice early summer vacations & memories. This fall & October I'll have an amazing experience that I have only dreamed of. So, I won't be missing out for long, but I'll be in school which face it....sucks.
Right now I'm about to go hang with a friend & sleep-over her place. I think I deserve it for all the work I've fulfilled. Anyways, my last time of hanging for a while since my dad is off of work for the week & will be back on next.
I'm just trying to find little things to make me happy right now. So, hopefully, things'll get better. Who knows. Life is so unpredictable it's not even funny....

There. I've successfully vented. I feel better. Phew!

Love is Watching Someone Die.

Sorry for the lack of updating. I know recently, it's not like me. My life has been spinning out of control these days, so I can't help it. I'm doing only the best I can.
If you realized, I deleted some of my old posts. This is because I felt they had no purpose. Boring, telling of my boring summer days. I figured no one really wanted to hear it. So, the more exciting, detailed ones are up & staying that way.
Anyways. This week wasn't such a bad one...well the beginning wasn't too bad at all. I visited my sister along with my nieces & nephew. It was so good to see them & be with them for once. They're getting so much older, I can't believe it. Getting more mature & I know from here we'll continue to have a great relationship. So, while I was there I realized of my true family; the one that'll be there no matter what happens. I decided to give back what I lost. It's complicated to fully know that means, but to me, it's important & means so much.
I went swimming for the first time this summer & it was fun. I was able to have a deep, but soothing conversation with just my sister, mom, & at times my nieces. We went to a nice buffet for dinner one night, which was really fun to do as well. I grew a real strong attachment to that side of the family & I truly miss them right now. I love them so much.
Then, the rest of this week as many of you know or may not know, hasn't been so pleasant. I'd rather not go into great detail. If you know, you know. If you don't, find out some other way. I really don't want to talk about it. But, because of some events that recently have happened I've grown into a walking depression ball. It's not fun. I've never been like this before. Nothing I want to do is worth the while. I want to sleep, relax, & not talk to many people. Yesterday I went to the mall to cleanse myself of everything. It helped, but only for a while. Once home I was back to my sleeping, tired, boring self. Today has been the same. I'm carrying a heavy heart & a clouded up mind. I'm feeling under the weather & spend my days in my pajamas or comfortable clothing. I'm not listening to real hard-rock music as normal, but more acoustic, quiet music. I need cheering up if that's possible.
I have to say though, that the immense help & support of my friends has truly been amazing. I've never felt to loved & protected. You are all what keeps my own heart beating when it feels it wants to stop such a movement. Your kind words I take to the heart & your prayers/thoughts are really soothing to my mind. Thank you is not enough <3
I'm heading to Cape Cod for a brief, but fun involved trip this weekend. To go to the beach, meet friends, see my grandmother & uncle again, & relax. Hopefully, it will relieve me for the time being. My spirits will be lifted a little more. The AFI music will be playing as I go back into the memories. I'm really looking forward to this trip more than anything.
Other than that, my mom's big surgery is Wednesday. In super preparation for that these days. I can't believe it's so close after all this waiting....
So, I apologize if I sound more sad than normal. A lot has been on my plate. I'm just praying & hoping for miracle. Shaking this feeling is what I need. I'm sure I'll blog later. Love you all. You know who you are.

P.S. - I was in nowhere ready to dig out a photography photo. Maybe in the next post or something...

Of Greetings and Goodbyes.

Well, well, well. Look who came back to life to blog. Haha, yeah, that'd be me. Sorry it has taken so long to make another blog & seemed like years! Apologies.

Anyways, there has been so much to catch up on! I indeed have been very busy. Well, the last time I blogged I was preparing for a nice, short Cape Cod trip with my Mom & sister. I had fun with them while I was there. My sister did occasionally get on my nerves, but it was minor. No worries. I connected with my Mom & sister more than ever also including my grandmother & uncle. It was a good time. Then, on Thursday the day we were supposed to come back we had a lovely lunch with my grandmother & her friend. On the way home we stopped at Christmas Tree where it hit me; why couldn't I stay? I mean, ever since we got there it was all crappy weather. Rain, rain, rainnnn. The upcoming weather was supposed to be sunny & if you live in Massachusetts & are an avid Cape Cod go-er than you'd know that sun is important on the island. So, I could write better in my book that way & re-live/enjoy the memories better. Besides, my grandmother needed help around the house with her bad arm. I could be brought back the day of my sister's party she was planning in a week. Panicking to find a way to stay, I realized I did not pack enough clothes for such a trip, but I figured I'd work around it & clean the little clothes I had every day. But, my dad had the cleaver idea of me going home, pack-up, & then him along with my mom could drive me on Saturday. Perfect plan. I could stay until the next Saturday the day of the party.

So, I headed home re-packed & got as much Internet time as I could since there isn't a connection at their house. On Saturday the adventure began. Half-way there, the car had the Alternator go & were left running on the battery, no electricity throughout the car. It was scary. We feared that if the car turned off, it'd never go back on. We'd be stuck. So, the stressful ride was concluded when we arrived safe & sound at my grandmother and uncle's. The car in fact didn't work once turned off, so he called for a tow truck which indeed dropped the car off at the dealer & dropped my parents off at their home. (But, no worries, as of now the car is repaired & working, good as new.) This by the way, was the 4th of July. Talk about luck, Haha. My 4th wasn't spent exciting like others, but more relaxing. Watching the Pops & hanging out. It was nice (:

The rest of the week was smooth. I woke up earlier than normal. Some days I took walks to get energized. Some days my grandmother & I didn't go anywhere because she couldn't drive with her arm & there was no car to do so anyways. Other days, my uncle would take us on little errands. One day my grandmother's friend who had lunch with us before, took us out to lunch again at a really fancy place. Some days, we had dinner out. All in all it was fun. I really enjoyed myself even though some people would think it was boring. It wasn't to me. I'm easy to please that way.

My uncle got me into this show called Freaks & Geeks, which was filmed from 1999-2000. The show only lasted 2 seasons & I saw the whole series. I'm addicted. It's a shame the show didn't make it further. Seth Rogen, James Franco, & so many more are so funny to see looking so young & beginning their careers, Haha. I also saw the Michael Jackson Memorial which I think was done very well. Fit for a King. It was sad. Heartbreaking to hear Michael's daughter talk & his brother sing an old favorite. I have so much more respect for Michael now. He seemed like a great guy even if other's disagree. I don't care anymore for what those people think.

So, Saturday was the big party at my sister's new-ish house. It was a house-warming party/ my other sister's 40th Birthday Party. Family was there, their neighbors were there, & my sister's friends were there. Lots of people I met & didn't know. I really connected with my niece which is something I didn't expect. I missed her. She's turning into one cool kid, Haha (:

Anyways, the day was sunny & perfect until night time when it poured off & on. Lots of people got semi-drunk which first proved to me why I'm straight-edged & secondly, was just plain funny to watch them interact. Ohh, god. Good times, Haha.

My uncle didn't attend for various reasons, so he dropped me off at home before the party & had my grandmother sleepover. We arrived home late & I was exhausted once my head hit the pillow.

Sunday was off & on good & bad. My uncle came to pick-up my grandmother. But, not before visiting Patriot's Place where they both found some football gear. I have no interest in sports, so when I saw bands setting up for the live, free show later, I was hooked on staying to hear them play. The decision was to have my uncle & grandmother leave back to the Cape. Once they were gone, we headed back to Patriot's Place to eat lunch at CBS Scene outside where we could hear the bands. The two bands playing were: Sarah RabDAU and the Self-Employed Assassins & The Motion Sick. Both from Boston & pretty locally popular. I caught just the end of Sarah's performance & bought her CD, which is by far AMAZING! Haha. I can't stop listening to it. A mixture of Emilie Autumn & The Dresden Dolls. Great (: I was very pleased.

I caught all of The Motion Sick's set & they too were amazing. I was going to get their CD, but the booth closed. I plan to use iTunes to fill my need, Haha.

Other than that, Sunday I was tired from everything. It was a relaxing day. Just like these past few days have been. The rest of the week shouldn't be so bad, so that's good! The mall & a haircut on the way. Not so bad to me.

As for Virginia plans, that'll be postponed until after my mom's knee surgery. In a few weeks. Which, is alright. I can wait (:

Other than that, this summer really seems to have kick-started into full swing. Yay, thankfully. Finally, Haha.

By the way, those photos attached in this entry are pretty awsome. The boat on the water one was taken on the way leaving Cape Cod back home last Saturday for the party. It's over the Bourne Bridge. Pretty cool. The next in black & white is when I was leaving the Cape the first time. The top of the tower was foggy & it looked cool on the cloudy day. Lastly, that firework was from my sister's party. That firework was accompanied by a funny story, Haha. That would conclude this session of blog photography. I'll have more photos from last week in the upcoming entries, I'm sure.

You'll Always Be My Thunder.

Today by far was so much better. I had more energy to do stuff & actually got out of the house.
I woke up late which is nice, but I hate it since I feel like I'm missing the morning & a good chunk of the day. So, I've decided that waking up early is a good idea. That way I can take a walk which is something I really want to do. Taking walks clears your mind & gives you alone time. Just the morning air, early sun, quite homes, possibly music, or just your thoughts. I heard Billie Joe of Green Day did that a lot. That's how come so many good hits happened, I suppose. No harm in it.
Well, the sun once again peaked in & out throughout the day. We even got more rain & some thunder. I hate that, but the sun shower was kinda pretty. Made for some great art ideas (:
I got out of the house twice today. Granted, they were only small errands, but to me that was enough. Going on drives is my favorite. I love just listening to my iPod & seeing all sorts of sights. I could totally go for a nice long road trip right now, hahahaha. I'm a loser, wow.
My dad & I decided to play some intense badminton this evening. We cannot in any way be called pros, but it's nice to pretend we are. Actually, if we keep on practicing we might be just as good as last year. Maybe.
Other than that the day has gone by pretty efficiently & nicely. I saw two movies today. One serious & one far from serious. This morning I came down to watch this movie with Tom Hanks in it called; "Road to Perdition". That was AMAZING. Everyone who knows me, understands I'm a huge 30s fan. Any movie that takes place in the 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, or 70s, even much earlier, has my undivided attention. I could watch them all day.
The next movie was Borat. It was the uncensored version, thankfully. Wow, that was funny, but SO inappropriate. I feel bad for the people that had to go through that. I can see why he was sued. End of that story, hahahha.
Hmmm, well, that's all I can think of at the moment.
OH! & I heard the new Boys Like Girls single from their new album. That song, "Lovedrunk" is pretty sweet. I know everyone in the freakin' world loooooves BLG, but I met them & saw them in concert. They're even from here in Massachusetts. I had to listen to the song & I'm hooked. I knew I would be. So, even if you don't like them or don't want to hear the song, you should. It's a great song. My Myspace profile song. Now that must mean it's good!

Ah! I knew there was something I was missing. I yet again was stupid & forgot to download my old photography pictures onto my new laptop. I'll do it tomorrow, I promise. So, for the time being this will be another non-photography entry. Sorry ): I'm lame.

Soul Meets Body.

So, today by far has been one of the weirdest days in my existence. There are many reasons why.

First off, before I get into the total detail of my day I have to start off by saying these few words:

I'm still in complete shock that such an iconic person has passed away. Michael Jackson not only re-defined music, but inspired others to go for their dreams & set the basis for most of the 80's. He inspired so many artists that are famous & create iconic songs along with our musical generation these days. I truly believe without him the whole world of music we know today would be different. I remember actually the first time I heard Michael's famous "Thriller" album. Now, I wasn't born in the 80's neither did I grow up during that time, but my parents lived through it & so did my siblings. My sister Shelley was a pretty big fan, I'm sure. So, back when tapes were actually "hip" my parents sat me down in our living room & had me listen to the song "Thriller". When the creepy voice came on I ran around the house pretending to act scared of it. I'll never forget that moment. But, just a few hours ago MTV decided to play throughout the night Michael's videos, so I go the chance to see the music video. Creeeeeepy. What's even creepier is that I watched the video in my dark room, everyone in the house asleep, while it thundered and lightninged outside. Yup, it was an act of Michael himself, I'm sure. Or some act of God. It has to be. So, all in all, I wish Michael to rest in peace & my heart goes to his family & loved ones. He'll be missed & never forgotten no matter what stuff he went through in his lifetime. Let's look back at the good parts in his life & not that bad. We owe him that much<3

Next, I'd like my heart to go out to Farrah Fawcett's family & loved ones. She herself was an icon & I remember watching Charlie's Angels on TVLand with my Dad when I was younger. She's someone that all girls wanted to be like & will truly be missed as well. She's a strong woman & some day I hope to take those sort of values with me. Everyone should take pieces of her story with them. She's the bravest woman around. I give her so much credit for all she endured even if we never knew one another & were from different eras.

Well, I have to say those are 2 reasons why my day was a little wacky. Very unexpected in many ways. They both sort of shaped my childhood, so that's why it's such a shock. The dentist wasn't that bad, thankfully. But, the weather had me down all day. I woke up to find it cloudy & even when the sun tried it's hardest nothing but clouds rolled in to consume the day. Finally, when the day was coming to close I was able to see a sunset. That was nice. Now, if only that sun can stay... What's weird about the weather was that it was supposed to be sunny all day. Maybe the incoming passed ones made it cloudier. I don't know what it is, but every time someone I know or someone that's impacted me dies, there's a cloudy day. It can rain or just be horrid out. I hate it. It's weird. Maybe that thunderstorm was like a celebration from the Gods for the few incoming iconic stars. Who knows. That's a little out there, but we'll never know for sure. It doesn't harm anyone to think...right?

I'm more on the edge today due to various personal reasons & that's dampened my day sooooo much. I'm hoping tomorrow is better. I beg for it.

I got to actually spend a nice lunch with my mom today & go for a quick shopping trip with her which I never do. I don't know I just felt we needed to re-connect. She will be having knee surgery soon & that's a major surgery. I'm not trying to be negative or jinx things in anyways, but you never know what'll happen... I'm just glad we weren't at each other's throats for once. It was nice. The only great part of the day.

For the most part that's it. I was itching to get outta the house for the first real time this week since Monday & it was great. But, the rest of the week including the weekend will be spent indoors or at home. A few errands here & there. Ugh, I don't know. It just doesn't really feel like summer yet. Just mini spurts here & there. Nothing true yet. We'll see what tomorrow brings...

Song of the Year.

So, I started getting sick of the lack of updating on my previous entries, so I decided to do-over my blog. That's the reason for my new background & reason this would be my "first" entry. Now that school's out & I have my laptop, I can blog more often.
Currently, I'm sitting in my room burning some lovely inscents from my newly favorite mall store. They have the awsomest, most relaxing gadgets there. It's the only place I trust getting scents & whatnot from. I'm drinking some cold coffee that my Mom made. Nice, I know. I hear some music from the newly Australian band I like called, The Blaqk Year. They're pretty awsome. I'm attempting to persuade my parents into letting me buy their album via iTunes. Anyone a fan? Is the album good? (: I'm sure it'll be pretty interesting. I also see a cloud of smoke form the inscents puffing around in all shapes across my walls. I can honestly say being out of school is awsome. I have the freedom to do things more often. But, I do say that these cloudy days have to leave. It's killing the summer mood. Hopefully the warm weather hits along with it's never ending sunny days. That would be perfect. Maybe motivate me to do more. These few days have been wacky though for various reasons. I've had my up & down moods. It stinks. The life of a teenager is really not that easy. I'm pumped for the upcoming summer. Many things are planned & I hope to do them all. That'd be perfect. I'm also looking forward to having a summer album. It could so possibly be 21st Century Breakdown by Green Day. That album is amazing. One of the greatest easily. Hmmm, summer romance? Yeahhhhh, that'd make for one great summer. I love contemplating it all (: